Dear Compassionate Friends:

Last month in this column I discussed that grief is definitely not a "linear" journey, and we do not move smoothly from one stage to another in an orderly manner, where we can think "Whew, I'm so glad I'm done with THAT one!" Grief changes your entire body; your mind, physical health, metabolism, sleep patterns and especially thought processes like memory, and each person's grief journey is different.



This month I wanted to share this illustration of some of the things no one tells you about grief. No one tells you that you may fall apart when you drive past your child's playground, or have to close your child's college savings account. No one tells you that parents of your child's friends may deliberately avoid you in the grocery store because they just don't know what to say, or they are so fearful that death is "catching" and something could happen to their child.

No one tells you that losing a child, sibling or grandchild is so different from other grief, because you lose past memories AND the future, and you are changed forever. People may expect you to "go back to normal" after a short time, and they REALLY want you to be normal, because they just don't know what to do or how to help. You have a new normal now. Grief brain is really a thing!

Be kind to yourself. Understand this is a long journey of many small steps for you and all those you love and who love you. Remember to breathe, rest, eat and cry if you need to, laugh if you can and hug often.

I wish you comfort and healing, and the peace that passes all understanding.

In friendship,